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1 - INTERIOR - INEM - DÍA
- 1
1 - INTERIOR - EMPLOYMENT OFFICE - DAY - 1
- Español - Manoli: ¿No tiene nada para mí?
- Inglés - Manoli: Don't you have anything
for me?
- Español - La Ventanillera: No.
- Inglés - La Ventanillera: No.
- Español - Manoli: ¿Pero... y entonces...?
- Inglés - Manoli: But... what now?
- Español - La Ventanillera: Y a mí que me cuenta.
A ver el siguiente.
- Inglés - La Ventanillera: What do
you want me to do? Come on, next.
- Español - Federico: Venía porque me han mandado esta
carta.
- Inglés - Federico: I've come because
I received this letter.
- Español - La Ventanillera: A ver, sí, esto no es
aquí, tiene que ponerse en la otra fila.
- Inglés - La Ventanillera: Let's see.
. . yes... you're in the wrong line. You have to go to the next window.
- Español - Federico: ¿Tengo que volver hacer cola?
- Inglés - Federico: I have to wait
in line again?
- Español - La Ventanillera: ¿A caso este parado tiene
otra cosa mejor que hacer? No, pues a la cola.
- Inglés - La Ventanillera: You got
anything better to do, Mr. Unemployed? No, well get in line then.
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2 - INTERIOR - INEM2 - DÍA
- 2
2 - INTERIOR - EMPLOYMENT OFFICE2 - DAY
- 2
- Español - Carmela: Y si la próxima vez vuelvas tarde,
adiós a la antigüedad.
- Inglés - Carmela: And if you come
back late the next time, good-bye seniority.
- Español - Carmela: ¿Qué quieres?
- Inglés - Carmela: What do you want?
- Español - Federico: Venia por lo de la carta.
- Inglés - Federico: I've come about
this letter.
- Español - Carmela: A ver. ah... Sí... Has tenido
suerte, hay una plaza vacante de 8 a 2, para hacer de Muerte, y estás
de enhorabuena, en este horario se trabaja poco
- Inglés - Carmela: Let's see. Ah, yes.
You're in luck, there's an opening from 8 to 2 to be the Grim Reaper, and
congratulations, with this schedule you won't have to work much.
- Español - Federico: (Con extrañeza) ¿Y cómo
es eso? Si me he quedado en paro ayer, además, yo soy electricista,
no tengo nada que ver con la política
- Inglés - Federico: (Surprised) What
do you mean? I just lost my job yesterday and what's more I'm an electrician.
I've got nothing to do with Politics.
- Español - Carmela: Tú verás, te puedes negar
si quieres, nosotros te quitamos el paro... Y todos tan contentos.
- Inglés - Carmela: You decide. You
can back down if you want, we'll take your unemployment benefits away...
- Español - Federico: (Resignado) ¿Y... y qué
tendría que hacer?
- Inglés - Federico: (Resigned) And.
. . and what would I have to do?
- Español - Carmela: (Irónica) ¿Tengo yo cara
de saberlo? ¿No, verdad? (Federico niega con la cabeza) Pues entonces...
¿Para que coño preguntas? Mira, esto es un trabajo de 8 a
2, ahora supongo que querrás saber ¿Cuánto se cobra?
¿Te he pedido algún título? ¿No verdad? (Federico
niega con la cabeza bastante cohibido) Bien ¿Pues entonces... que
crees tú, que vas a cobrar...? menos que un ministro, tanto como
un ministro, o quizás... más que un ministro.
- Inglés - Carmela: (Irónica)
Do I look like a fortune-teller? No, right? (Federico shakes his head) Well,
then... Why the hell are you asking me? Look, this is a 8 to 2 job, and
now I suppose you want to know how much it pays. Have I asked you for your
diploma? No, right? (Federico shakes his head rather awkwardly) Fine. Well
then... what do you think, How much are you going to make...? Less than
a minister, as much as a minister o perhaps... more than a minister.
- Español - Federico: ¿Menos...?
- Inglés - Federico: Less...?
- Español - Carmela: Ves, ves como no te hace falta preguntar.
No, si los parados cuando queréis, sí que pensáis ¡A
la, que no tengo todo el día! Cuando llegues a tu casita, te lo lees,
y así, te enteras de todo. ¡Siguiente!
- Inglés - Carmela: You see! You didn't
have to ask after all. No, you unemployed when you want to, you really can
think. Come on, I don't have all day! When you get home, read this and you'll
know what you gotta do. Next!
- Español - Federico: Me parece que no valdré para
esto.
- Inglés - Federico: I'm afraid I'm
not going to be any good at this.
- Español - Carmela: (Con tono patriótico) No te preocupes,
aquí valoramos a los parados en lo que valen, y siempre damos los
empleos a los que más lo necesitan, y a los que están más
preparados para ello, tú, no te preocupes, ya hemos pensado nosotros
por ti. A la, que no tengo todo el día (al siguiente) ¿Qué
quieres?
- Inglés - Carmela: (in a patriotic
tone of voice) Don't worry about it, here we value the unemployed for what
they're worth, and we always give jobs to those who most need them, and
to those who are best prepared for them. You, don't worry: we've already
thought it out for you. Come on, I don't have all day (to the next person
in line) What do you want?
- Español - Fontanero: Venía por lo de la carta.
- Inglés - Plumber: I've come about
the letter.
- Español - Carmela: Ah... Sí... Has tenido suerte,
hay una plaza vacante de electricista.
- Inglés - Carmela: Ah... yes... you're
in luck, there's an opening for an electrician.
- Español - Fontanero: ¿Cómo es eso? Yo soy
fontanero.
- Inglés - Plumber: What do you mean?
I'm a plumber!
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3 - INTERIOR - CASA- DÍA
- 3
3 - INTERIOR - HOUSE - DAY - 3
- Español - Cartero: ¿Es usted Federico Mayo?
- Inglés - Mailman: Are you Federico
Mayo?
- Español - Federico: Sí soy yo.
- Inglés - Federico: Yes, I am.
- Español - Cartero: Firme aquí por favor. (Después
de firmar) Hasta luego.
- Inglés - Mailman: Sign here, please
(after signing) See you later.
- Español - Federico: Hasta luego, gracias.
- Inglés - Federico: See you, thanks.
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4 - INTERIOR - CASA - NOCHE
- 4
4 - INTERIOR - HOUSE - DAY - 4
- Español - Dios: ¡La guadaña!
- Inglés - God: The scythe!
- Español - Federico: ¡Hostia...! ¿Cómo
es que te puedo oír?
- Inglés - Federico: Good Lord!
How is it possible for me to hear you?
- Español - Dios: Pues claro, no olvides que trabajas para
mí.
- Inglés - God: Of course you can, don't
forget: you work for me.
- Español - Federico: ¿Entonces... para que hace falta
el fax?
- Inglés - Federico: So... what's
the fax for?
- Español - Dios: Ya sé, ya sé, a mí
tampoco me gusta demasiado la idea, pero Jesús, se empeña
en que hay que modernizarse, y claro... como le hice aquello de la cruz,
pues... que ahora no le puedo negar nada.
- Inglés - God: I know, I know, I don't
like the idea much either, but Jesus, he insists that we modernize and of
course... since I played that little cruxifiction trick on him, well. .
. now I can't deny him anything.
- Español - Federico: (Farfullado) Pues cuando conozcáis
Internet, sus vais a cagar.
- Inglés - Federico: (Murmuring)
Heh when you learn about Internet you're gonna shit yourself.
- Español - Dios:: ¿Decías algo?
- Inglés - God: Did you say something?
- Español - Federico: No no, que qué rencoroso ¿No?
- Inglés - Federico: No no, how
resentful, no?
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5 - EXTERIOR - CALLE - NOCHE
- 5
5 - EXTERIOR - STREET - NIGHT - 5
- Español - Federico: ¿Cómo se usa este chisme?
- Inglés - Federico: How do you
use this thingamajig?
- Español - Dios: No no, tu solo tienes que tocar a la persona
que sea, y decirle con voz profunda algo así como...: "Solo
viniste al mundo, y solo te iras"
- Inglés - God: No no, you just have
to touch the person and say something in a deep voice like ... "You
came into this world alone, and alone you will go out"
- Español - Federico: ¿Y si resulta que es mellizo?
- Inglés - Federico: And what about
twins?
- Español - Dios: ¡Que más da hombre! En ese
momento, no se va a acordar de eso. Bueno, a lo que iba, baja una escalera
mecánica, lo acompañas hasta el primer peldaño, y sube
al cielo.
- Inglés - God: What's the difference,
man! When the time comes, they won't even remember that. Anyway, back to
business, you go down an escalator, you accompany them to the first step
and they go up to heaven.
- Español - Federico: ¿Si ha sido malo también?
- Inglés - Federico: Even if
they've been bad?
- Español - Dios: También sube al cielo, allí
analizamos su expediente y si vemos que tal, pues a cavar zanjas toda la
eternidad.
- Inglés - God: They also go to heaven,
there we analize their file and if we think they're okay, well then, an
eternity of ditch-digging.
- Español - Federico: ¿Es obligatorio lo de las palabras?
- Inglés - Federico: Is the words
thing obligatory?
- Español - Dios: No, pero siempre queda bien.
- Inglés - God: No, but it's a nice
touch.
- Español - Federico: ¿Pues que te parece si solo lo
toco, y ya está?
- Inglés - Federico: What would
you say if I just touch them and that's it?
- Español - Dios: Mal, mal; le falta ambiente, no se va de
vacaciones a la playa, se va a morir, eso tiene que impresionar .
- Inglés - God: No good; it lacks ambience.
They are not going on vacation to the beach. They're gonna die. It has to
leave a mark.
- Español - Federico: No sé, no sé (Sin querer
toca a una chica que se desploma)
- Inglés - Federico: I don't
know, I don't know (inadvertently he touches a girl who collapses)
- Español - Dios: No pasa nada, al principio... siempre hay
errores.
- Inglés - God: Forget about it, at
the beginning there are always mistakes.
- Español - Federico: ¿¡Errores!?¿Y...
cómo lo vas a arreglar?
- Inglés - Federico: Mistakes!
And... how are you going to fix it?
- Español - Dios: Yo no puedo interferir en el poder legislativo,
mi departamento es el judicial, y no hay ninguna ley para este tipo de equivocaciones.
- Inglés - God: I can't interfere in
legislative issues. I'm in the Judicial Department, and there is no law
for errors like these.
- Español - Federico: Pero si es tan sólo una cría.
- Inglés - Federico: But she's
so young!
- Español - Dios: A mí que me dices, la equivocación,
ha sido tuya.
- Inglés - God: Tell me about it, the
mistake was yours.
- Español - Federico: Ya... pero yo no sabía que si
tocaba a alguien sin querer... también funcionaba, tienes que entender...
que yo no tengo experiencia en esto (Un silencio) ¡Dios! ¡Dios!
¿¡Estás ahí!?
- Inglés - Federico: Yeah, but
I didn't know that if I touched someone accidentally... it also worked,
you have to understand... I have no experience in this. (silence) God! God!
Are you there?
- Español - Dios: Estoy aquí ¿¡Qué
quieres!? El desconocimiento de una ley, no exime el cumplimiento.
- Inglés - God: I'm here What do you
expect? The ignorance of a law does not excuse its performance.
- Español - Federico: Nada, déjalo. Me parece que este
trabajo no se me va a dar nada bien, y digo yo ¿Este curro no era
de 8 a 2?
- Inglés - Federico: Nothing,
forget about it. I'm afraid I'm no good for this job and by the way: Wasn't
my schedule from 8 to 2?
- Español - Dios: Si has leído bien el contrato, sabrás
que antes, tienes que hacer un cursillo de un par de meses.
- Inglés - God: If you have read your
contract well, you will know that first you have to take a course for a
couple of months.
- Español - Federico: Esto me suena a que voy a estar sin
cobrar durante todo este tiempo ¿Verdad?
- Inglés - Federico: Sounds like
meanwhile I'll be working for free, right?
- Español - Dios: Pero comprenderás que esto, es algo
necesario.
- Inglés - God: You do understand that
this is something necessary.
- Español - Federico: Increíble, estoy seguro que llegará
el día que organicéis cursos de reponedores, y claro, no cobrarán
nada durante el año que dure el curso.
- Inglés - Federico: Unbelievable,
I am sure that someday you'll organize courses on bagging groceries and
they won't earn anything for the year that the course lasts.
- Español - Dios: Que cosas dices, esos cursos no duran más
de seis meses.
- Inglés - God: What are you talking
about, those courses only last six months.
- Español - Policía 1: Camina ¡Vamos! ¡Quieta!
- Inglés - Police 1: Carmina, Move it!
Keep still!
- Español - Policía 2: ¿Dónde vas?
- Inglés - Police 2: : Where are you
going?
- Español - Policía 1: Pero bueno. Te voy a dar yo
a ti.
- Inglés - Police 1: Well, well well.
I'm gonna kick your ass.
- Español - Policía 2: No te muevas
- Inglés - Police 2: Don't move.
- Español - Policía 1: Ladrona sinverguenza. Verás
que bien lo vas a pasar esta noche ¡Camina! p'al cuartel.
- Inglés - Police 1: Lowlife thief.
You're gonna have a great time tonight. Carmina, off to jail.
- Español - Policía 2: ¡Vamos!
- Inglés - Police 2: Move it!
- Español - Policía 1 : Anda, ladrona.
- Inglés - Police 1: Go on, thief.
- Español - Dios: (Federico llama a la puerta y Dios Irónico
le dice) Pero hombre, hombre.. Desde cuando la Muerte tiene que llamar.
La Muerte... nunca llama, simplemente, entra.
¡La guadaña!
- Inglés - God: (Federico knocks on
the door and God says ironically) Come on, man... since when does Death
have to knock. Death never knocks, he simply enters. The scythe!
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6 - INTERIOR - CASA2 - NOCHE
- 6
6 - INTERIOR - HOUSE2 - NIGHT - 6
- Español - Federico: ¿Es usted, Paco Jasemín
Ali Casán Calahorra?
- Inglés - Federico: Are you
Paco Jarenín Ali Casán Calahorra?
- Español - Paco: (Tímidamente) Sí.
- Inglés - Paco: (Timidly) Yes.
- Español - Federico: ¿Y ahora que hago ahora?
- Inglés - Federico: Now what
do I do?
- Español - Dios: Recuerda, sólo tienes que tocarlo.
- Inglés - God: Remember, you just have
to touch him.
- Español - Federico: (Federico chasquea los dedos, y se hace
el silencio) ¡Anda!
- Inglés - Federico: (Federico
snaps his fingers and all is silent) Come on!
- Español - Paco: ¿Qué vas a hacer?
- Inglés - Paco: What are you going
to do?
- Español - Federico: Es que no puedo.
- Inglés - Federico: I just can't
do it.
- Español - Dios: Vamos hombre, que ya lo has hecho.
- Inglés - God: Come on, man, you already
did it once.
- Español - Federico: Ya pero fue sin querer.
- Inglés - Federico: Yeah but
that was an accident.
- Español - Dios: Lo que es realmente difícil, es la
primera vez, luego, va todo rodado.
- Inglés - God: The first time is always
the hardest. It's all down hill from there.
- Español - Federico: Además, me está mirando,
y así no puedo.
- Inglés - Federico: Besides,
he's looking at me and I can't do it this way.
- Español - Dios: Pues dile que mire a otro lado.
- Inglés - God: Well, tell him to look
the other way.
- Español - Federico: Por favor... Es que yo soy nuevo en
esto ¿Podría dejar de mirarme?
- Inglés - Federico: Excuse me.
. . I'm new at this, Could you stop looking at me?
- Español - Paco: ¡Y una mierda!
- Inglés - Paco: Hell no!
- Español - Federico: Ves, no quiere colaborar, ¿Qué
hago?
- Inglés - Federico: You see,
he doesn't want to help, what should I do?
- Español - Dios: Tú verás, pero... no vamos
a estar aquí todo el día.
- Inglés - God: You decide, but we're
not going to be here all day.
- Español - Paco: Tú ni caso, si ves que no tienes
fuerzas... pues dimites y ya está.
- Inglés - Paco: Don't pay him any attention.
If you see you're not up to it, resign and that's it.
- Español - Federico: ¿Puedo dimitir?
- Inglés - Federico: Can I resign?
- Español - Dios: Te vas al paro, y sin paga.
- Inglés - God: You'll be unemployed
with no benefits.
- Español - Federico: ¿Y si le doy con la guadaña?
- Inglés - : Federico: What if
I hit him with the scythe?
- Español - Dios: No, eso ya no se lleva, resultaba un tanto
desagradable.
- Inglés - God: No, it's out of style
now, it was rather disgusting.
- Español - Federico: ¿Entonces para que la llevo?
- Inglés - Federico: So why do
I carry it?
- Español - Dios: Es solo por sentimentalismo de tiempos pasados.
- Inglés - God: It's just for the sentimentalism
of the old days.
- Español - Federico: Pues sino mato como hay que matar, así
no mato.
- Inglés - Federico: Well if
I'm not going to kill people the right way, I'm not going to do it.
- Español - Paco: Muy bien, ahí está, determinación.
- Inglés - Paco: Well said. That's
it. Determination.
- Español - Federico: ¡Usted se calla! (Se abre la puerta)
Esto es culpa de ella, no mía ¿Y... si le doy a ella?
- Inglés - Federico: Shut up!
(the door opens) This is her fault, not mine. What if I hit her?
- Español - Paco: Eso eso, a ella.
- Inglés - Paco: Yeah, yeah. Hit her.
- Español - Dios: Te abrimos un expediente disciplinario.
- Inglés - God: We'll bring disciplinary
proceedings against you.
- Español - Federico: ¿Y si me los cargo a todos?
- Inglés - Federico: What if
I rub them all out?
- Español - Dios: ¡Eso no tendría precedente,
no lo puedes hacer! Va en contra de las reglas, tienes que colaborar.
- Inglés - God: There is no precedent
for that, you can't do it! It goes against the rules. You have to collaborate.
- Español - Federico: ¡Y una mierda! ¡A tomar
por culo! (Se lía a guadañazos con el personal) ¡¿Queda
alguien?!
- Inglés - Federico: Fuck that!
To hell with this! (He starts scything left and right)
- Español - Paco: (Tímidamente) Noooo (Federico se
marcha atravesando la pared, sigue haciendo de las suyas)
- Inglés - Paco: (Timidly) Nooo (Federico
walks through the wall and keeps to his task)
- Español - Dios: ¡Pero hombre... para ya!
- Inglés - God: Damn man... cut it out!
- Español - Federico: O me despides tú, o despido yo
a toda la ciudad.
- Inglés - Federico: If you don't
sack me I'll sack the whole town.
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8 - EXTERIOR - CALLE - NOCHE
- 8
8 - EXTERIOR - STREET - NIGHT - 8
- Español - Federico: (Se acerca a alguien que pasa por la
calle) ¿Qué, me ves? Vaya, al final me has despedido.
- Inglés - Federico: (He goes
up to somebody in the street) Hey, can you see me? Damn, you gave me the
sack in the end.
- Español - Dios: A ver, no me has dejado otra alternativa.
- Inglés - God: Darn right, you didn't
leave me any alternative.
- Español - Federico: No perdona, el que no me ha dejado otra
alternativa has sido tú, así, a lo bruto, es lo único
que entiende la administración, pues si es así como quieres
que funcionen las cosas, así funcionarán. Y recuerda, yo no
quería este trabajo, porque yo soy electricista, entiendes, e-lec-tri-cis-ta.
- Inglés - Federico: No, excuse
me, you're the one who didn't give me any alternatives. That's all the administration
understands, "that's the way it is", so if that's how you want
things to work, that's how they'll work. And remember, I didn't want this
job because I'm an electrician, understand? E-lec-tri-ci-an.
- Español - Dios: Recuerda tú, que estabas a punto
de cobrar el paro.
- Inglés - God: Listen you, you were
about to earn welfare.
- Español - Federico: ¡Nos ha jodio! A la empresa le
parecía que éramos muchos y que trabajamos poco, y ahora,
unos pocos trabajarán mucho. Además, ese dinero, me lo quitabais
a mí de mi nómina todos los meses, y ahora, necesito que me
lo devolváis, lo que sí podíais hacer, es darle el
trabajo a unos que lo necesiten.
- Inglés - Federico: Well fuck
me! The company thought there were too many of us and we worked too little,
and now, a few will work more. Additionally, that money, was being taken
out of my salary every month and now I need you to return it to me. What
you could do is give work to those who need it.
- Español - Dios: ¿¡Pero que dices... infeliz!?
¿Tu sabes lo que costaría eso? Darle trabajo a los parados
por orden de llegada, y dejar a los que cobran que sigan cobrando ¡Tu
estás loco! eso no es procedente, los números cantan.
- Inglés - God: What are you talking
about? Do you know how much that would cost? Give work on a first come first
serve basis and keep paying welfare to the rest. Are you crazy? That's not
legitimate. The numbers don't work out.
- Español - Federico: Y digo yo... ¿Qué pintas
tú en todo eso? Ese tipo es musulmán.
- Inglés - Federico: And I was
thinking... What's this got to do with you? That guy's a Muslim.
- Español - Dios: Ah, Es una subcontrata, que gracias a ti
peligra, no creo que a Alá le guste lo que acabas de hacer.
- Inglés - God: Ah, it's a subcontract,
which thanks to you is in danger, I doubt Allah will like what you have
just done.
- Español - Federico: ¿Y cómo lo vas a arreglar?
- Inglés - Federico: And how
are you going to fix it?
- Español - Dios: Los resucitaré.
- Inglés - God: I'll resurrect them.
- Español - Federico: ¡Será posible! No arreglaste
lo de la chica, y ahora sí vas a solucionar esto.
- Inglés - Federico: Are you
kidding! You didn't bother to fix the little girl issue and now you are
going to solve this problem.
- Español - Dios: ¡Hombre...! te has cepillado a 19,
no es lo mismo; ni siquiera teníamos listo los preparativos para
tanta gente.
- Inglés - God: Dude! You butchered
19 people. It's not the same; we don't even have the preparations ready
for so many people.
- Español - Federico: Lo mismo me da, que me da lo mismo,
si no lo haces por uno, no lo puedes hacer por ninguno, eres un facha.
- Inglés - Federico: It doesn't
make any difference to me: if you don't do it for one, you can't do it for
any. You're a fascist.
- Español - Dios: ¡Más respeto, que estas hablando
con Dios!
- Inglés - God: A little respect, you're
talking to God!
- Español - Federico: Yo diría, que con el mismo demonio.
- Inglés - Federico: I'd
say I was talking to the Devil himself.
- Español - Dios: Ah... Si estuviéramos en otro tiempo,
me ibas a hablar de este modo.
- Inglés - God: Ah... another time,
another place and you wouldn't be talking this way to me.
- Español - Federico: Pues como ahora puedo, ahora lo hago.
No te jode el dios este de los cojones.
- Inglés - Federico: Well, since
I can now, I do now.
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10 - EXTERIOR - CALLE - NOCHE
-10
10 - EXTERIOR - STREET - NIGHT - 10
- Español - Federico: ¿Sabes lo que te digo? me voy
a convertir al budismo.
- Inglés - Federico: You know
what? I'm going to convert to Buddhism.
- Español - Dios: ¿¡No hablarás en serio!?
- Inglés - God: You're not serious?!?
- Español - Federico: Como te lo digo.
- Inglés - Federico: I mean it.
- Español - Dios: No hombre, que con tantos ateos, estamos
en horas bajas, no puedes hacernos eso.
- Inglés - God: No man, with so many
atheists, we're going through hard times, you can't do this to me.
- Español - Federico: ¿Qué pasa, es que no tienes
la contrata de los budistas?
- Inglés - Federico: What's the
matter? You don't have the Buddhist contract?
- Español - Dios: No, esa la tiene ese traidor de Pedro, que
se quiere establecer por su cuenta. Pero no me cambies de tema.
- Inglés - God: No, Peter's got that
one, the traitor. He wants to go freelance. But don't change the subject.
- Español - Federico: ¿¡Por qué no me
dejas vivir!? Tengo mis derechos ¿Sabes?
- Inglés - Federico: Why won't
you leave me alone? I have my rights, you know?
- Español - Dios: (Irónico) ¿Pero qué
dices? Tus derechos aquí arriba nos los pasamos por el forro, de
ya sabes tu donde.
- Inglés - God: (Ironically) What are
you talking about? Your rights up here are like toilet paper that we wipe
you know where.
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11 - PERIÓDICO - NOCHE
- 11
11 - NIGHT - 11
- Español - : (Aparece girando un recorte de periódico
en el que se puede leer)
INFORME DE ÚLTIMA HORA
19 muertos en casa de los Calahorra.
La policía busca sin éxito responsabilidades.
Inexplicablemente en casa de los Casán Calahorra, ha tenido lugar
un ataque cardiaco colectivo, que ha afectado a unas 20 personas, aunque
ha permitido que el único que estaba en cama en fase terminal, inexplicablemente
hoy esté jugando al fútbol.
También en el lugar de los hechos, ha aparecido no se sabe como,
una guadaña desmontable bellota número 7, similar a las que
usa el Ministerio de Censo Nacional.
En estos momentos se están buscando responsabilidades, e indicios
que expliquen las causas de tan extraño suceso, por otro lado, hay
que mencionar el desconcierto que reina en la policía, ya que los
distintos departamentos policiales, afirman que este hecho no está
dentro de sus competencias.
- Inglés - : (A spinning news-clip
appears on which can be read)
URGENT REPORT
19 dead at Calahorra house.
Police seeking responsabilities without success.
Inexplicably in the house of Casán Calahorra, there has been a collective
heart attack that has affected nearly 20 people. However, this event has
allowed the only one who was terminally ill to miraculously play football
today.
Additionally, at the scene of the incident, a collapsible acorn scythe number
7, similar to the one used at the Ministry of National Census, was found.
Right now they are looking for responsabilities and clues which might explain
the causes of this strange incident. Additionally, the confusion which reigns
in the police station merits special attention, as the different police
departments claim that this incident does not correspond to their jurisdiction.
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INGLÉS
1 - INTERIOR - EMPLOYMENT OFFICE - DAY - 1
Manoli: Don't you have anything for me?
La Ventanillera: No.
Manoli: But... what now?
La Ventanillera: What do you want me to do? Come on, next.
Federico: I've come because I received this letter.
La Ventanillera: Let's see... yes... you're in the wrong line. You
have to go to the next window
Federico: I have to wait in line again?
La Ventanillera: You got anything better to do, Mr. Unemployed? No,
well get in line then.
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2 - INTERIOR2 - EMPLOYMENT OFFICE - DAY - 2
Carmela: And if you come back late the next time, good-bye seniority.
Carmela: What do you want?
Federico: I've come about this letter.
Carmela: Let's see. Ah, yes. You're in luck, there's an opening from
8 to 2 to be the Grim Reaper, and congratulations, with this schedule you
won't have to work much.
Federico: (Surprised) What do you mean? I just lost my job yesterday
and what's more I'm an electrician. I've got nothing to do with Politics.
Carmela: You decide. You can back down if you want, we'll take your
unemployment benefits away...
Federico: (Resigned) And... and what would I have to do?
Carmela: (Irónica) Do I look like a fortune-teller? No, right?
(Federico shakes his head) Well, then... Why the hell are you asking me?
Look, this is a 8 to 2 job, and now I suppose you want to know how much
it pays. Have I asked you for your diploma? No, right? (Federico shakes
his head rather awkwardly) Fine. Well then... what do you think, How much
are you going to make...? Less than a minister, as much as a minister o
perhaps... more than a minister.
Federico: Less...?
Carmela: You see! You didn't have to ask after all. No, you unemployed
when you want to, you really can think. Come on, I don't have all day! When
you get home, read this and you'll know what you gotta do. Next!
Federico: I'm afraid I'm not going to be any good at this.
Plumber: I've come about the letter.
Carmela: Ah... yes... you're in luck, there's an opening for an electrician.
Plumber: What do you mean? I'm a plumber!
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3 - INTERIOR - HOUSE - DAY - 3
Mailman: Are you Federico Mayo?
Federico: Yes, I am.
Mailman: Sign here, please (after signing) See you later.
Federico: See you, thanks.
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4 - INTERIOR - HOUSE - DAY - 4
God: The scythe!
Federico: Good Lord! How is it possible for me to hear you?
God: Of course you can, don't forget: you work for me.
Federico: So... what's the fax for?
God: I know, I know, I don't like the idea much either, but Jesus,
he insists that we modernize and of course... since I played that little
cruxifiction trick on him, well... now I can't deny him anything.
Federico: (Murmuring) Heh when you learn about Internet you're gonna
shit yourself.
God: Did you say something?
Federico: No no, how resentful, no?
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5 - EXTERIOR - STREET - NIGHT - 5
Federico: How do you use this thingamajig?
God: No no, you just have to touch the person and say something in
a deep voice like ... "You came into this world alone, and alone you
will go out"
Federico: And what about twins?
God: What's the difference, man! When the time comes, they won't
even remember that. Anyway, back to business, you go down an escalator,
you accompany them to the first step and they go up to heaven.
Federico: Even if they've been bad?
God: They also go to heaven, there we analize their file and if we
think they're okay, well then, an eternity of ditch-digging.
Federico: Is the words thing obligatory?
God: No, but it's a nice touch.
Federico: What would you say if I just touch them and that's it?
God: No good; it lacks ambience. They are not going on vacation to
the beach. They're gonna die. It has to leave a mark.
Federico: I don't know, I don't know (inadvertently he touches a
girl who collapses)
God: Forget about it, at the beginning there are always mistakes.
Federico: Mistakes! And... how are you going to fix it?
God: I can't interfere in legislative issues. I'm in the Judicial
Department, and there is no law for errors like these.
Federico: But she's so young!
God: Tell me about it, the mistake was yours.
Federico: Yeah, but I didn't know that if I touched someone accidentally.
. . it also worked, you have to understand... I have no experience in this.
(silence) God! God! Are you there?
God: I'm here What do you expect? The ignorance of a law does not
excuse its performance.
Federico: Nothing, forget about it. I'm afraid I'm no good for this
job and by the way: Wasn't my schedule from 8 to 2?
God: If you have read your contract well, you will know that first
you have to take a course for a couple of months.
Federico: Sounds like meanwhile I'll be working for free, right?
God: You do understand that this is something necessary.
Federico: Unbelievable, I am sure that someday you'll organize courses
on bagging groceries and they won't earn anything for the year that the
course lasts.
God: What are you talking about, those courses only last six months.
Police 1: Carmina, Move it! Keep still!
Police 2: : Where are you going?
Police 1: Well, well well. I'm gonna kick your ass.
Police 2: Don't move.
Police 1: Lowlife thief. You're gonna have a great time tonight.
Carmina, off to jail.
Police 2: Move it!
Police 1: Go on, thief.
God: (Federico knocks on the door and God says ironically) Come on,
man... since when does Death have to knock. Death never knocks, he simply
enters. The scythe!
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6 - INT. - HOUSE2 - NIGHT - 6
Federico: Are you Paco Jarenín Ali Casán Calahorra?
Paco: (Timidly) Yes.
Federico: Now what do I do?
God: Remember, you just have to touch him.
Federico: (Federico snaps his fingers and all is silent) Come on!
Paco: What are you going to do?
Federico: I just can't do it.
God: Come on, man, you already did it once.
Federico: Yeah but that was an accident.
God: The first time is always the hardest. It's all down hill from
there.
Federico: Besides, he's looking at me and I can't do it this way.
God: Well, tell him to look the other way.
Federico: Excuse me... I'm new at this, Could you stop looking at
me?
Paco: Hell no!
Federico: You see, he doesn't want to help, what should I do?
God: You decide, but we're not going to be here all day.
Paco: Don't pay him any attention. If you see you're not up to it,
resign and that's it.
Federico: Can I resign?
God: You'll be unemployed with no benefits.
: Federico: What if I hit him with the scythe?
God: No, it's out of style now, it was rather disgusting.
Federico: So why do I carry it?
God: It's just for the sentimentalism of the old days.
Federico: Well if I'm not going to kill people the right way, I'm
not going to do it.
Paco: Well said. That's it. Determination.
Federico: Shut up! (the door opens) This is her fault, not mine.
What if I hit her?
Paco: Yeah, yeah. Hit her.
God: We'll bring disciplinary proceedings against you.
Federico: What if I rub them all out?
God: There is no precedent for that, you can't do it! It goes against
the rules. You have to collaborate.
Federico: Fuck that! To hell with this! (He starts scything left
and right)
Paco: (Timidly) Nooo (Federico walks through the wall and keeps to
his task)
God: Damn man... cut it out!
Federico: If you don't sack me I'll sack the whole town.
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8 - EXTERIOR - STREET - NIGHT - 8
Federico: (He goes up to somebody in the street) Hey, can you see
me? Damn, you gave me the sack in the end.
God: Darn right, you didn't leave me any alternative.
Federico: No, excuse me, you're the one who didn't give me any alternatives.
That's all the administration understands, "that's the way it is",
so if that's how you want things to work, that's how they'll work. And remember,
I didn't want this job because I'm an electrician, understand? E-lec-tri-ci-an.
God: Listen you, you were about to earn welfare.
Federico: Well fuck me! The company thought there were too many of
us and we worked too little, and now, a few will work more. Additionally,
that money, was being taken out of my salary every month and now I need
you to return it to me. What you could do is give work to those who need
it.
God: What are you talking about? Do you know how much that would
cost? Give work on a first come first serve basis and keep paying welfare
to the rest. Are you crazy? That's not legitimate. The numbers don't work
out.
Federico: And I was thinking... What's this got to do with you? That
guy's a Muslim.
God: Ah, it's a subcontract, which thanks to you is in danger, I
doubt Allah will like what you have just done.
Federico: And how are you going to fix it?
God: I'll resurrect them.
Federico: Are you kidding! You didn't bother to fix the little girl
issue and now you are going to solve this problem.
God: Dude! You butchered 19 people. It's not the same; we don't even
have the preparations ready for so many people.
Federico: It doesn't make any difference to me: if you don't do it
for one, you can't do it for any. You're a fascist.
God: A little respect, you're talking to God!
Federico: I'd say I was talking to the Devil himself.
God: Ah... another time, another place and you wouldn't be talking
this way to me.
Federico: Well, since I can now, I do now.
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10 - EXTERIOR - STREET - NIGHT - 10
Federico: You know what? I'm going to convert to Buddhism.
God: You're not serious?!?
Federico: I mean it.
God: No man, with so many atheists, we're going through hard times,
you can't do this to me.
Federico: What's the matter? You don't have the Buddhist contract?
God: No, Peter's got that one, the traitor. He wants to go freelance.
But don't change the subject.
Federico: Why won't you leave me alone? I have my rights, you know?
God: (Ironically) What are you talking about? Your rights up here
are like toilet paper that we wipe you know where. |
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11 - - NIGHT - 11
(A spinning news-clip appears on which can be read)
URGENT REPORT
19 dead at Calahorra house.
Police seeking responsabilities without success.
Inexplicably in the house of Casán Calahorra, there has been a collective
heart attack that has affected nearly 20 people. However, this event has
allowed the only one who was terminally ill to miraculously play football
today.
Additionally, at the scene of the incident, a collapsible acorn scythe number
7, similar to the one used at the Ministry of National Census, was found.
Right now they are looking for responsabilities and clues which might explain
the causes of this strange incident. Additionally, the confusion which reigns
in the police station merits special attention, as the different police
departments claim that this incident does not correspond to their jurisdiction.
THE END |
Texto traducido por Allan Winn
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